Together?
by Elanquest
Summary: Sequel to Unrequieted?  Hawke has realized he doesn't want to be without Cait.  But does being together mean smooth sailing?
1. Chapter 1:  No

**~~~~~~~~It's Never That Simple~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Stringfellow Hawke and Caitlin O'Shannessy sat underneath a tree by the pond at her family's Texas ranch. He'd just declared his love for her after she'd left California nearly three months prior believing her feelings weren't mutual. After a good deal of angst on his part, he found out she was in danger. With Dom's help and Caitlin's own ingenuity, she was rescued and a dangerous drug lord had been taken into custody. After, Hawke thought he would have a chance to talk with Cait, but she returned to the ranch without wanting to speak to him. Dom chewed him out for "playing around" with Cait's feelings and told him to either leave her be or commit. One week later, he showed up at the ranch with an engagement ring.

"So, do you want to see if it fits?"

Hawke held the ring out. He pulled her left hand from his neck and maneuvered to slip it onto her finger.

"No."

He stopped mid stream. His gaze snapped to her eyes. He thought she just said no. He must have been mistaken, but she slipped her hand out of his and rested it on his shoulder. The edged of her mouth twitched upward.

"What?" he asked hesitantly. Somehow the word had come out as a long syllable his voice rising through it.

"No, I don't want to try it on."

Suddenly he was confused. Caitlin had said she loved him. They'd kissed like there was no tomorrow. Even now she had that look in her eyes that said I only want to be with you. He had searched every jewelry store on Rodeo Drive until he'd found the perfect ring and she said no?

He stood up quickly. He didn't know what to do. This part of his grand plan was not working out right. She was supposed to be giddy with delight. They were supposed to be making out on the spot. She wasn't supposed to say no. In truth, he thought she would have pounced on the ring and thrust it on her finger before he had a chance to change his mind. He ran a nervous hand over his hair.

"Are you saying you don't want to marry me?

His voice took on a guarded edge. His eyes had gone cold. His face was an impassive mask. His mind whirled and he held his breath while he waited for her to respond. It was hard for him to give himself over to feelings of love. He'd wanted to protect her from the fate of all the others. He'd loved before. And lost those he loved. He hadn't wanted it to happen to Caitlin. Didn't she understand how far he'd come? Couldn't she see how much he needed to be with her?

Caitlin sighed as she looked up at him. He was so typical. Once he'd made up his mind, he just expected everything to fall into place. He probably thought she would jump on the chance. When she didn't act according to his plan, his defenses went up. She slowly and deliberately got to her feet. He was giving her the silent treatment expecting her to read his mind.

"I'm saying we don't even know if we can get along as a couple yet."

She searched his eyes to see if he understood. All she saw was confusion, hurt, and a little anger.

He looked at the sky, at the trees, at the pond anywhere but at her. He jammed his hands in his pockets and walked over to the gazebo. His shoulders were hunched and footsteps heavy on the walnut stained decking. He didn't halt his progress until he made it to the railing. There he leaned against the wood and stared out over the the water.

He was angry. He was a fool. How could he have been so wrong? Caitlin had left because he wouldn't show her how he felt of that he was sure. He thought the only way to prove to her how he felt was to ask her to marry him. That way she'd be sure to come back to California. He figured they could work out the details during a pro-longed engagement. They just couldn't do that if she stayed in Texas.

"Hawke."

He hadn't heard her footsteps and stiffened when he heard her voice only a few feet behind him.

"For once listen to me without already deciding what I'm trying to say."

Caitlin put her hand on his shoulder and waited. He didn't flinch away at her touch. Encouraged she put her other hand on top of his on the rail. She concentrated on his face. His jaw was tensed and the vein in his neck throbbed. With effort he turned to face her. He looked so angry, but hurt also. She waited patiently until the storm that was taking place behind those blue eyes of his subsided.

"Okay. I'm listening."

He finally said. His voice calm. Part of him wanted to walk away. Collect his thoughts. Figure out where he went wrong this time. But she was looking at him with such love and compassion that he was rooted to the spot. No matter what she said. Even if it hurt him, he'd listen.

"I love you. I want to be with you. If everything works out between us, I want to marry you."

Caitlin paused to be sure he was listening. Truly listening and paying attention to what she was saying.

"I hear a but."

He shifted his stance so that they were facing each other fully. He pushed a strand of red hair behind her ear wistfully. Held her gaze and tried not to jump to any conclusions.

"But can we just be together? Without any pressure? Can we just take each day on its own merit? If we decide at some point us isn't working and I'm wearing a ring, it would just complicate things."

She put her arms around him. He hesitated an instant before he did the same.

"Lets just enjoy each other for a while. If you still want to me to marry you, ask me again sometime."

She kissed him deeply. He automatically kissed her back. They held each other wrapped in the others arms for a while.

_Enjoy each other._

He was certainly enjoying the kissing and the way she felt in his arms. He liked the familiar scent of her shampoo as they rested their heads on each others shoulder. He also liked the way she fit with his body.

_No pressure._

A small part of him was disappointed. Mostly, he was relieved. He hadn't really thought the whole marriage thing through. He'd just wanted a sure way to get her to come back with him.

_She wants to be with me. She loves me._

The thoughts congealed in his head as they were kissing. He held her tight grateful she was giving him a chance. It wasn't what he had expected but it would do. The knots in his gut began to release just a bit.

"Will you at least come back to California with me?"

He asked the question hopefully. He didn't want to move to Texas. He also didn't want to live without her in his life anymore.

"If you keep your head out of the sand, I'll go practically anywhere with you."

Caitlin smiled at him. She could see the confusion at her remark being overcome by understanding. He gazed at her with unguarded love for just a moment and it took her breath away. He grabbed her up and whirled her around.

"Great. How fast can you pack?"

He kissed her again before she could answer.

"We can leave the day after tomorrow if you want."

Hawke frowned. He didn't want to take any chances. He wanted to leave right away before she changed her mind.

"Besides as long as you're all ready here, you might as well meet my family."

The frown deepened. He hadn't met a girl's family since he was a teenager. The first meeting could be pivotal to their relationship. If her family didn't like him would she still return home with him? Okay to be fair he'd all ready met her sister Erin. She'd seemed decent. Erin had told him where to find Cait. He'd heard some of Cait's phone conversations with her mom and thought for a fleeting moment that if Cait wore his ring he'd have no problem there. What really began to worry him was meeting Cait's dad. He'd never heard her talk much about him, but always had the distinct impression that she was a Daddy's girl. If he didn't impress the father, he could be in for some real trouble. He hadn't really been prepared beyond getting Cait back.

"Come on. Its almost time for dinner."

She pulled a reluctant Hawke back to the tree to retrieve her book.

"What if they don't like me?"

There was genuine concern in his voice. He had to know if this meeting was going to be a deal breaker. He was just accepting that she wanted to be with him and didn't want to do something to mess it up. Maybe he should quiz her on her family, since he'd never really paid much attention when she'd talked about them before. He began to wonder if he could just find a way to get out of family dinner by claiming he already eaten.

She couldn't help but grin. He was nervous and a little sheepish. She liked this side to him. It filled her with warmth that he had that much concern for the outcome. She just patted his arm and entwined her fingers with his. As they walked back down the path to the house, she teased him about meeting her parents. A part of her thought she should warn him. Her family usually latched on to someone new and asked twenty questions. Hawke was never known to be a great conversationalist. Things were about to get interesting.

**~~~~~~~~A Girlfriend's Dad~~~~~~~~~~**

Stringfellow Hawke was out of his element to say the least.

He was sitting at the center of a long dinning table. To either side of him sat Cait's sisters, Erin and Shannon. Cait sat across from him. To either side of her sat her brother, Sean, and brother-in-law, Henry. Cait's parents sat on either end where the could easily command the attention of anyone at the table. The table looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Every available space was taken up by one dish or another. He wasn't really all that hungry, but it seemed only polite to lightly sample everything. He created quite a stir when Maggie, Cait's mom noticed he put only the smallest bite of roast on his plate. He'd innocently relaid the fact that he preferred fish to most meat. His comment didn't go down well on a Texas cattle ranch. It took Cait's gentle reminder that she didn't like roast either to calm her father down.

Conversation quickly moved on to probing questions about Hawke himself. Other than Erin, Caitlin hadn't really confided in her family about her life in California and they were all curious to find out more about the man who had shown up looking for her. The short clipped answers he gave between bites of salad and mashed potatoes really didn't satisfy anyone's curiosity.

Caitlin would have giggled if he hadn't looked so miserable. She was beginning to think she should have warned him after all. When her mother asked him about his family, he shrugged. Hawke briefly told them his parents died when he was twelve. He and his older brother were raised by Dominic Santini the owner of the air service where he and Cait worked.

When questions turned to details of his parents' death and St. John's status, Hawke looked across the table and made a silent plea. Cait intervened. She wished, not for the first time that she was sitting next to him for comfort and support.

"So, Stringfellow," Catlin's father Patrick began. "How long are you here for?"

Hawke swallowed his last bite of apple pie before answering.

"Cait said she'd be ready to go the day after tomorrow."

He was oblivious to the sudden tension his remark caused. Everyone put their eating utensils down except Henry who had just taken another bite of pie.

"And, please call me String or Hawke."

The chaos and bustle of a large family meal ceased abruptly and Hawke stiffened with the sudden silence. He looked over at Cait whose eyes were fixed on the half eaten slice of pie on her plate. He glanced surreptitiously at the other diners until his gaze rested on Patrick.

Patrick's face had gone an angry shade of red. His pointed gaze directed firmly at his middle daughter. The man's jaw was set and his visible hand was clenched so tightly on the fork beside his plate that the whites of his knuckles shown.

"Well String," Maggie spoke up hesitantly. "I'm sure Erin would love to give you the fifty cent tour."

Her words were a call to action to practically everyone at the table. Cait's two sisters, brother, and brother-in-law all rose simultaneously. They gathered plates and empty dishes and moved quickly to the kitchen.

Erin placed a hand on Hawke's shoulder to spur him to move also. Cait gave him a nod that silently begged him to please just go along. He rose slowly to follow Erin his reluctance to leave Caitlin evident. He knew something had changed the mood in the room, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what. He gave a half smile to Maggie and spoke in a warning tone.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

He gave Cait one more reassuring look before reluctantly following Erin.

Erin gave Hawke what he surmised had to be the ten cent tour it was so quick. The sudden silence in the kitchen when they waltzed through, had his guard up. When raised voices were heard from the dinning area, he was ushered up to the relatively insulated up-stairs. She left him in what had been Caitlin's childhood room.

He stood in the middle of it an looked around. The room had soft green walls that were covered with pictures. Caitlin's young freckled face looked back at him. She had a couple of different horses and was in various rodeo arenas. Some had her posing with a cow or sheep. Four shelves on one wall were crammed with trophies and ribbons from barrel racing and the FFA. He stepped over to the bed covered in a blue comforter. The white bedside table had a clock and a single five inch high trophy on it. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands for a moment. The date on it was the year his parents had died. Being surrounded by Cait's childhood suddenly made him feel old.

He thought back to when he and Cait first met in the Pope county jail. She had looked and seemed so young to him. Yet her attitude and bearing, especially her attitude, made him want to be around her. Tempted him on more than one occasion since to breach the friends barrier he had carefully construed to protect her. She had caught his attention not because of movie star beauty, but because she was fearless in the face of danger, and that sheriff had definitely been dangerous.

A movement by the door caught his attention. He whipped around to see Cait standing in the door frame.

She regarded him with amusement.

He quirked an eyebrow at her and held aloft the trophy in his hand.

"Mutton busting?"

She smiled as she crossed the room to him and relieved him of the trophy. She carefully placed it back on the bedside table.

"I was seven and it was my first trophy."

She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him tightly for a moment. She needed the quiet assurance his embrace gave her, needed more to know he would continue to be there for her. The discussion in the the dinning room hadn't gone well. She knew she was making the right decision, but needed to lose herself for a moment in their togetherness.

Sensing something was bothering her, he held her tightly imparting what comfort he could.

Feeling it would be inappropriate given the setting to lose himself in the other thoughts that swirled in his head at her being so close, he whispered in her ear.

"You want to talk."

He wondered if she had heard him it took her so long to respond.

"It's an old argument."

She sighed heavily.

"They just can't understand why anyone might not want to live in the great state of Texas for their entire life." 

She picked at the collar on his shirt.

Hawke was silent for a long moment and shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Cait," he began a little roughly. "If you want to stay, I can make arrangements to... to be here."

He held her gaze. He didn't want to be without her again. The thought of leaving his mountain, and Dom had his throat closing up.

"It would take a little time..."

"No Hawke."

Cait cut him off quickly. She couldn't believe what he'd just said. She looked in his eyes and saw the relief there before it changed to trepidation.

"I want to return to California with you. I want to go home."

He saw the sincerity and truth of it on her face. She thought of California as her home and wanted to be there with him. He let the pleasure he suddenly felt erupt into a smile. He kissed her first with happiness and then with a quiet longing. He could wait another day and a half for her to be home with him.

_Home with Cait._

His mind conjured up pictures of her in his cabin. She'd been there many times, but always as a friend. He thought about having quiet dinners, sharing a sunset, and serenading her with his cello. He thought about growing old with her. For the first time in too many years, he thought about the future. If he hadn't been holding on to her the thought would have staggered him. It was too much all at once. He pushed the thoughts away and decided to concentrate on getting her home. Everything else was too much to hope for. After all, she had said no to the proposal.

The next day and a half with Cait's parents were strained. They thought their daughter's wild California bent was over with when she came back three months ago. Now, she was leaving again. Leaving with a man they barely knew.

Patrick rightly ceased on Hawke as the true cause of his daughter's leaving. He was openly hostile. There was little Hawke could do to reassure the man though he swore to take care of Caitlin. He even told Patrick that he'd proposed to Cait when the man seemed hell bent on reaming him out for just showing up and whisking his little girl away. It had mollified Patrick a little but not until after he knew his little Caitlin had turned Hawke down and why. Patrick had grumbled something about taking the bull by the horns before he seemed to be able to control his ire.

When Hawke and Cait were finally in his rental car and leaving the ranch behind her bags safely tucked away in the trunk, he let out a dramatic sigh.

Cait giggled in the seat next to him.

"What's so funny?"

He smirked over at her as he turned on the main road leaving her childhood home firmly behind.

"You!"

Caitlin pointed at him for emphasis.

"Hawke, I've seen you shoot down MIGs without breaking a sweat, but facing my Dad..."

The laughter just beneath the surface of her voice threatened to over take her.

Hawke let out a chuckle.

"A MIG is nothing compared to the irate Dad of your girlfriend."

They both shared an easy laughter.

"Your girlfriend huh?"

Cait felt the corners of her mouth start upward in a sloppy grin.

"Yeah."

Hawke said with quiet satisfaction. He beamed at her. His smile lit up his eyes as they rode to town contentedly.


	2. Chapter 2:  Together  together

_**~~~~Homecoming~~~~**_

Dom rushed Caitlin and wrapped her in a big bear hug as soon as she and Hawke walked into the hangar. He released her after several minutes so she could catch her breath. Dom smiled broadly at her. He looked her over from head to toe.

"Cait!"

His enthusiasm got the better of him and he hugged her again.

"It's good to have you back where you belong."

"Its good to be back."

She quickly looked over the main hangar of Santini Air. It was clean, but obviously a working space. The tools and equipment needed to maintain the aircraft in good working order all in their appropriate place. Greasy rags were hap-hazardously strewn about but carefully not in walking areas. The door to the office was ajar and she could see the desk piled with paper. She was more than a little relieved that nothing had changed in the place she thought of as her second home.

"Don't you ever leave us again."

Dom waggled a finger at her only half seriously admonishing her. He shot a look at Hawke clearly holding him responsible for rather or not Cait stayed.

Hawke ducked his head to avoid the older man's gaze. He knew he was the one responsible for Cait leaving and vowed to do whatever it took to keep her from leaving again. His plan was to get her back to the cabin without any means for her or him to escape until they'd hashed everything out.

"You eat dinner yet?"

Dom eyed Caitlin and decided that she looked too thin even for her. She shook her head.

"Well let me close up here and we'll all go out and celebrate. My treat."

Dom bustled around gathering up tools and rags.

"I was kind of hoping to head up to the cabin."

Hawke announced as Cait began gathering up rags.

"Great, but it's my turn to cook."

Dom headed to the office to add yet another stack of papers to his already overflowing desk. He missed the look of frustration on the younger man's face. Hawke grumbled as he too began the closing routine at the hangar. He turned to Cait who was looking at him amused while dropping greasy rags into a box to clean later.

"What?"

Hawke asked innocently as he raised an eyebrow. He picked up a rag and crossed over to her. He made a show of dropping it in the box.

"You're gone for months and he's already got you cleaning up like you'd never left."

The grin on his face and twinkle in his eyes told her he was teasing.

"Maybe he should have bought you a ring."

"At least he knows how to compensate me for my time and effort."

She slid her arms around his waist to take some of the sting out of her rejoinder. She impulsively kissed him lightly.

"I can appreciate."

He pulled her closer and kissed her deeply.

"Ah hum." Dom cleared his throat breaking them apart and picking up the box of rags.. "Why don't you do the flight check while I finish up."

Hawke looked incredibly guilty. He gave Cait one more squeeze before he headed out to the Santini Air Jet Ranger.

Ten minutes later they were all in the helicopter for take off. They made the flight in silence for the most part. Caitlin noted that Hawke had loaded her bags. He seemed to be expecting her to stay with him thought they hadn't really discussed it. In all honesty, she hadn't really considered where she would stay. She'd given up her apartment months before when she returned to Texas after concluding Hawke would never act on the attraction she knew was between them.

They settled down on the landing pier and was greeted by an enthusiastic Tet. He nudged Hawke into giving him a thorough ear scratching. When he noticed Cait, Tet left Hawke and flopped down for her to give him a belly rub with her foot.

"You think he missed me?"

Cait laughed at his antics.

"Yeah. He missed you."

Hawke's rough spoken words gave her the suspicion they weren't talking about the dog anymore.

While Dom and Hawke unloaded, Caitlin just reveled in being back at the lake. She loved it here. It was so peaceful and calm. She had felt at home, like she belonged, the very first time she'd come here despite the whole Holly trying to kill her thing. She hadn't actually made it to the cabin that day. After Holly had been knocked unconscious and Hawke diverted the missals, she'd flown Holly straight to the nearest hospital. No, it was after, when Dom had officially hired her that Hawke had invited them up to celebrate.

A creak from the wood behind her had her turning from the railing and the blue water to see Hawke casually standing a few feet behind her. He looked like he wanted to say something but just stood there. He shifted a moment on his feet.

"What?"

She couldn't read him. He seemed to be nervous and happy, really happy all at the same time. She hadn't really seen him nervous like this before. She'd seen his concern, heard the panic in his voice when he thought she was in danger, felt his need to be sure she was okay when they'd hug after. But, this was a full blown case of the nerves. She wondered at it.

Hawke didn't quite know how to proceed. Dom had shooed him out of the kitchen and effectively the cabin as soon as Cait's things were settled. She was here. She was home with him, but now what? He decided on a safe topic.

"Dom says it will be about an hour before dinner's ready."

"Hmm."

She turned back to the railing and looked across the lake to the reflection of the mountain peaks. Ever since they left Texas, he had become more and more tentative. He wouldn't talk, touch, or kiss her unless she did so first. It was as if he was afraid to do anything that might make her suddenly evaporate before his eyes. It was the main reason, she hadn't accepted his proposal. If they couldn't find a way to communicate openly their relationship was never going to work. She sighed heavily.

He was instantly by her side a worried expression on his features.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently.

She leaned against him.

He hesitated an instant before he greedily slipped his arms around her offering comfort. He let his tension melt away. She was here nothing else mattered.

"Lets just watch the sunset together."

Caitlin snuggled into his embrace. His acceptance of her suggestion evident as she felt his shoulders relax and his breath gently tickle her ear. She twined her fingers in his and drew his arms around her tighter.

**~~~~_Together, _Together~~~~~**

Dom watched as the petite red head made her way to the bathroom. Their dinner had been very pleasant with light conversation and teasing all round. It was almost like old times. Almost. He frowned as he turned back to Hawke who was poking at the fire in the hearth.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong?"

He pinned String with a fatherly stare.

"Nothing Dom."

Hawke sat down heavily in front of the fire and wouldn't meet Dom's gaze.

"Sure," he said insincerely. "That is why we were all pretending that the last three months hadn't happened over dinner."

He waved absently in the direction of the kitchen as he considered the younger man before him. He had tried his best with String. St. John had been almost seventeen when their parents had died. He was heavily into sports and girls. He hadn't seemed to need Dom as much as the scrawny twelve year old String had been. String had been shy and sensitive. Just when String needed guidance with girls St. John left for Vietnam. Dom knew it was his way of getting away from them both. String idolized his older brother. St. John chafed at the adoration and Dom's 'fathering.' Dom had always thought it best if the boys didn't meet his lady friends. He didn't want them to become attached to and then loose another mother figure.

String had had plenty of relationships all though in hind sight only two before had rally meant anything to the boy.

"String."

Dom's voice held compassion as he realized how difficult the transition from friends must be for his boy to make.

"It's just...I don't know how to act around her."

Hawke ventured a look at Dom.

"It's easier to just act like nothing's changed."

He sighed in frustration.

"Unhuh."

Dom rose from his chair by the fire and placed a comforting hand on String's shoulder.

"Acting like that is what got you into this mess to begin with. Talk to her String. Tell her what you feel. Hell, just show her how you feel. If you don't she'll be gone again and I don't think she'll come back the next time."

"That's what I'm afraid of ."

Hawke stared across the cabin and shuddered at the thought of loosing Caitlin again, of loosing her forever.

"Well you two will figure it out faster without an old goat like me spoiling the fun."

He crossed to the door and pulled on his blue Santini Air Jacket.

"You don't have to go."

Hawke stood and crossed to the door to stop the man panic rising in his voice.

Dom plucked his red cap from the peg by the door, pushed it firmly over his gray hair, and turned back to face Hawke. He gave him a tight hug.

"You'll do fine."

He opened the door.

"Just follow your heart and don't forget, she loves you too."

He left before Hawke could protest further.

Caitlin sat down on the couch as she heard Dom's helicopter lift off.

_That answers that question._

Hawke refilled their wine glasses from a bottle of wine that was one of Cait's favorites. He handed hers to her before he sat down beside her.

Caitlin sighed inwardly as she took a sip of wine. He was treating her like he always had. He was sitting not very far from her on the couch. If they both shifted a little they'd brush up against each other at the leg or elbow.

"String. We need to talk."

She felt him stiffen next to her.

"I'm not sure what you expect to happen here. I've never been the type to throw myself at you and since we left Texas you've been treating me like we're nothing more than friends. We both know that's not the case."

_Besides you brought my bags in and put them in your bedroom._

"So..."

She met and held his blue eyes with hers.

_Tell her how you feel. Show her how you feel._

Dom's words echoed in his mind. He placed his glass on the coffee table and did the same with hers.

"I'm not sure what to say or do Cait."

Hawke turned to her and impulsively took her hand in his. He lowered his gaze and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb.

"I just don't want to screw this up."

He spoke so softly she could barely hear him even in the silence of the cabin.

"Hey."

She touched his cheek with her free hand then slid it to his neck.

"As long as you're honest and quit pretending you don't care, I think we'll muddle through."

She held his gaze and he wondered at the compassion and love he saw there. He shifted position and put his arms around her.

"I can't loose you again."

His voice came haltingly and he was stunned by his own admission. It was true. It scared him to the bone. He felt the urge to pull away from her, protect her from his curse.

Cait saw the shadow of fear fall over his eyes. She felt him stiffen and start to pull away.

_Oh no you don't Stringfellow Hawke._

She pulled him to her and kissed him deeply.

He hesitated a moment. His fears told him to protect her, to protect himself.

_God, she's a good kisser._

He acquiesced to the kiss and pulled her more tightly against him. A need possessed him and he lost conscious thought. He hungrily kissed her neck and pushed her shirt from her shoulder to get at the creamy skin underneath.

She pushed his sweater up his chest and hooked her arms under his with her hands resting on his shoulders.

He quickly ripped the sweater over his head and caught her lips again as her hands roamed his bare back and chest. He kissed the hollow at the base of her neck as one hand found her breast and grabbed hungrily.

**~~~~see excerpt under the M rating for gratuitous scene~~~~~~**

When he would have moved Caitlin held him in place not yet willing to give up the feel of him inside her. She ran her fingers down his spine languidly.

Hawke propped himself up on his elbow to ease his weight from her. He gazed into her eyes trying to read her expression.

Cait smiled sweetly at him.

"If you'd done that before, I never would have left."

He broke out into a smile of his own. A thought teased the edge of his mind.

"So, do you want to marry me now?"

He let enough of a teasing tone slip out that it indicated he was only half serious about the question. Her serious expression had him frowning a moment later.

"Not that _that_ wasn't...well...well worth the wait, but there is a lot more to marriage than sex."

He moved off of her and this time she didn't try to stop him. One one level it bothered him that she didn't seem to want to marry him. On a completely different level he was happy. He still had his freedom. He frowned again.

_Freedom...to do what?_

Caitlin left him to his thoughts and made her way to the bathroom. After cleaning up a bit she looked at herself in the mirror. She thought not for the first time about the wisdom of getting involved with one Stringfellow Hawke.

_Well if his earlier performance is any indication he is one hell of a lover._

She grinned and flushed at the thought. Her head and her heart had been conflicted for some time about Hawke. Caitlin had known she was in love with Hawke for sometime. Knew it for certain after their first encounter with one John Bradford Horn. She had thought she'd killed Hawke at one point and cried over his prone form. Her relief when he came to drove home the veracity of her feelings and Hawke's lack of reciprocation. Three months ago Caitlin had left California believing String would never return her feelings. After she'd been captured by a Mexican drug lord, Hawke followed her to Texas. He helped rescue her and then showed up at her family's Texas ranch and proposed. Now, they had physical relations. Talk about complicated.

She shook her head.

_Take each day as it comes. Don't expect everything to click at once._

She sighed.

Caitlin made her way back to the bed grateful for the cheerful fire in the hearth. String spooned up behind her and slipped his arm around her waist to gently cup her breast. She snuggled into him content for the first time since realizing she loved him.


	3. Chapter 3:  Interruptions

**~~~~Interruptions~~~~**

Hawke opened his eyes slowly with a slight fear the night before had been some kind of dream. The freckle faced red head that filled his gaze settled him. He couldn't help the sloppy grin that spread over his face as he drank in the sight of her. She looked so much younger when she was asleep. It made him feel old.

He couldn't understand why she would want to be with him. He wasn't conceited, but knew women found him attractive. He'd never had problems finding female companionship. But, Caitlin was different. They had shared an almost instant in-like. He'd found her cute, open, honest, and interesting. She had made it clear early on that despite the teasing and flirting banter they enjoyed nothing more was on the agenda. She'd once called him emotionally unavailable had even stepped out of the way and made it clear they were friends when some woman might think they were together.

Some how her feelings had changed, and he hadn't noticed. Okay, if he was truthful with himself he **had** noticed. He just wanted to keep her safe. No, if he was being honest here he had wanted to keep himself safe. He lost the people he loved. And, there it was, exactly when had he fallen in love with her. They had had a great friendship. She had slipped into his life effortlessly. They had started hanging out together for lunch and dinner. Yeah, Dom was usually around, but looking back he realized it was Cait that made the time enjoyable.

He knew the moment when he knew he was too close. It was when she saved him from Horn. He'd woke up from being injected with the antidote to the mind control drugs. She was laying over him. Tears were in her eyes. She didn't mask the love in her eyes quickly enough. He had wanted so much to kiss her, to comfort her. If he hadn't remembered that he shot Dom, he would have risked their friendship right then.

He had tried to establish a balance after that. When he felt he was too close, or she was, he would take whatever female opportunity presented itself. After a particularly difficult Airwolf mission, they had discussed the future. He'd ended up kissing her with all his pent up feelings spilling over. If there hadn't of been an interruption, the whole friend thing would have been shot that night. In fact, because of the distance he put between them after, he had lost her. She'd gone back to Texas, maybe forever.

Hawke shook his head. None of that matter now. Now, she was lying next to him. She was here. He just had to find a way to keep her.

He resisted the urge to smooth the hair away from her face and carefully eased off the bed. He didn't want to wake her. He gathered the clothes from the floor. He carefully folded hers and laid them on an empty chair. He used the bathroom and took a quick shower before dressing. Since she was still asleep when he finished, he decided to surprise her with breakfast in bed. Hawke made his way down the stairs and gathered both of their clothes from the coffee table and floor in front of the couch. He returned hers to the chair upstairs before starting breakfast.

He heard the shower just as he was finishing the eggs.

_There goes breakfast in bed._

He set the tray anyway and piled the bacon, eggs, and toast all on the same plate. He added a glass of orange juice and his own cup of coffee before making his way back up the stairs. He placed the tray on the bedside table and sat on the edge of his bed sipping his coffee.

Caitlin had been disappointed when she woke up alone that morning. She had hoped to see String's impossibly blue eyes first thing. She wanted to feel him next to her and run her fingers through his hair. He wasn't even in the bed room. She wondered if he'd gotten spooked again before she heard muttering and banging from the kitchen.

_First up makes breakfast._ She remembered from her previous visits as only a friend. _Still, it would have been nice to wake up together._

She paused on her way to the bathroom seeing her clothes from the night before neatly folded on a chair. A broad smile crossed her lips at the memory of where she'd left them. One hot steamy shower later, she pulled on the robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door and started toweling the dampness from her short hair.

She had the urge to pinch herself as she glanced over the contents of his bathroom. It wasn't like she hadn't been there before, but now everything was different. She was different.

She found herself opening the medicine cabinet behind the foggy vanity mirror. Her eyes took in the everyday contents with absent fascination. Caitlin took out the small bottle of cologne she'd given Hawke last Christmas. He'd worn it a few times. It smelled really good on him. He'd been wearing it that night when they'd kissed nearly three months ago. But, she suddenly realized she never smelled it on him when he was 'with' some lady. He'd only worn it when they were at the cabin or just the two of them caught dinner after work. In some subtle way had he been telling her how he felt all along? She shook the thought away. He may have been selective on when he wore her cologne, but had made sure there was always a barrier to intimacy.

Caitlin heard the steps up the stairs and hastily replaced the cologne and shut the cabinet. She felt a little guilty about looking through his things even if she did enjoy girlfriend status now. She quickly ran a comb through her damp hair and rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash. She'd unpack her toothbrush later. She exited the bathroom and came to a stop noticing the full breakfast tray.

Hawke looked up at her his coffee half raised for another sip. He took in the sight of her in his oversized robe and noted how loosely it was tied. It hung somewhat open on top and he could clearly see the line between her breast and followed it down. He forced his eyes to hers as she self consciously pulled the robe closed. The silence was awkward.

"I made breakfast." Hawke gestured to the tray nervously. "It was supposed to be in bed."

He shifted uncomfortably a slight flush on his cheeks.

Cait tried to hide the amusement she felt. He seemed so nervous. Mr. Cool, confident Lady's Man was nervous around her.

Caitlin took a seat next to him on the bed and pulled at the robe when it gaped open. He was wearing the Christmas cologne. She started munching on a piece of bacon to hide the sudden shyness she felt.

"Thanks." She said between bites.

They had eaten most of the food when Hawke broke the silence.

"Uh Cait."

He pushed his fingers through his short cropped hair nervously. She took a sip of orange juice to hide her smile. Hawke plunged ahead.

"I know you said you don't want to get married, but what about moving in?"

He waited a beat not daring to look at her before he continued.

"You know to see if we can get along as a couple and all."

He repeated her phrase hoping it would sway her decision hope and fear mixed into the words.

"Sure."

Caitlin took another sip of juice almost spilling it at his enthusiastic hug. It was quickly set aside as he started kissing her neck. She leaned back into him and put a hand on his leg.

She turned to face him when he stooped. His head was tilted in a familiar gesture.

"Company?"

"Yeah."

Hawke sounded irritated.

"Stay put and finish your breakfast." He commanded.

She stared dumfounded as he headed down stairs.

Hawke scowled as the white FIRM helicopter came into view. He hadn't quite forgiven Michael for putting Cait in danger recently and didn't want the spy intruding on his new found relationship.

Michael Coldsmith Briggs III was disconcerted that Stringfellow Hawke was meeting him halfway across the clearing to the cabin. He'd only ever met his as far as the steps to the porch before. Or, if Hawke were really upset he'd simply be absent when Michael arrived. That the younger man seemed intent on a confrontation did not bode well for him accepting the mission. He quickly tried to assess if the man had a gun on him. Their relationship was rocky. He had thought that he and Hawke were on their way to some sort of friendship. But, that was before his last visit to the cabin where Hawke had threatened him for putting Caitlin's life in danger.

"What do you want Michael?"

Hawke asked in clipped precise words. He stopped a few feet away locked arms across his chest. He glared at the white clad spy and wishing that he'd just go away.

"Good to see you too, Hawke."

Michael made to step around Hawke.

Hawke took a step to block his progress.

"I have a mission for you."

Michael pulled at the sleeve of his three piece suit and pointed his cane toward the cabin.

"It would be better to talk inside."

"I'm not exactly alone here."

Hawke wondered at the fleeting look of shock that raced through the one good eye of the man in front of him.

"June can return her to town while we talk. This is important!"

Archangel waived at the beautiful assistant behind him. She stepped forward in her white flight suit carrying a metal case.

Hawke glanced her way noticing the blue eyed blonde for the first time. He quickly dismissed her as he had all of Micheal's assistants since Gabrielle.

"She's _staying_ here, Michael. I don't want you or any of your people anywhere near her."

Michael had no doubt Hawke was serious. The man was clearly on the defensive and had that protective edge to his voice that he rarely heard in relation to someone else. He heard it when Hawke spoke of Dominic, St. John, and most recently in regard to a certain red head in Texas. He rubbed his mustache and quirked an eyebrow.

"And here I thought your recent tantrum was over Caitlin."

As soon as he spoke the words he regretted them. He saw how Hawke stiffened his shoulders and clenched his fists. He braced himself for the punch.

Hawke's eyes iced over. He shifted position and clenched his fists.

_He had **not** been throwing a tantrum. He **had** been dealing with the fact that the woman he loved had left his life. Possibly for ever and without even knowing he loved her._

It took incredible effort to resist the urge to hit the man.

Hawke heard the cabin door open and the steps on the deck that indicated Caitlin hadn't stayed put. He knew he had just lost the argument.

Michael's good eye widened and he almost dropped his cane. He stood astonished gazing behind Hawke to the woman who had just stepped out onto the porch.

"S-she...Y-you..." Michael stuttered and looked dumfounded at Cait then Hawke and back to Cait. "Staying here?" he finally managed in a raised voice.

Hawke couldn't hide the sudden amusement that sprung up inside him at the look on Micheal's face. His anger diminished at Archangel's presence. Hawke had never seen the consummate spy at a total loss before. It was almost worth the interruption. Almost.

He turned and headed reluctantly back to the cabin. On the front porch he shot Cait an I thought I told you to stay put look. She shrugged her shoulders and followed him inside. He was pouring coffee into mugs when Michael had recovered sufficiently from the shock to make his way inside.

Michael accepted the coffee mug from Caitlin with consideration as he studiously avoided the smirk on Hawke's face. He took a couple of sips before he got down to business.

"I made have a lead on your brother." He said without preamble.

Hawke sat his coffee mug on the bar separating the kitchen from the rest of the cabin and pinned Michael with a pensive stare. He placed both hands on the bar and braced himself. Caitlin shifted a little uncomfortably on the stool she was sitting. She laid a hand on Hawke's. Without thought he held her hand accepting the silent comfort she offered.

"What have you got?"

June handed Michael a manilla folder from the briefcase she held.

Michael in turn slid it over to Hawke.

He flipped through it then came to a dead stop at a clear photo. It was definitely his brother. The years hadn't been kind to St. John. He looked far older than Hawke remembered, thinner too. There were deep lines across her face and shadows around his eyes.

Cait picked up the file Hawke had abandoned for the picture. She read through the contents.

"Are you sure this is right?"

Caitlin's Texas draw tore Hawke's attention from the photo.

"What?"

He noticed she had laid some of the pages out on the bar and reordered them.

"Well according to this, St. John's been in and out of various government's custody since he went missing. Even our own government has traded his piloting skills to various entities. He's been a mercenary, and agent, and even freelanced in South America for a while."

Hawke let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. It didn't make since to him. If St. John hadn't been a prisoner all this time why hadn't he come home?"

"There's more." Michael stopped her. "You remember Gary Mason?"

"Yeah." Hawke had once saved the Firm information analyst from a Russian spy.

"Gary uncovered a document from your last tour when you were medically discharged. There's a distinct possibility that your brother thinks you died in Vietnam."

Hawke was stunned. His brother thought he was dead all these years? He had known the army made a mistake at that time. They'd informed Dom he was dead. When they'd realized their mistake, they had quickly corrected it. Dom, only spoke of it once when Hawke returned from Vietnam. He'd always believed his brother was alive. The only time he'd doubted was when they'd buried the casket and found his 'nephew' the year before. How could his brother not know he was alive?

"That could explain why he never sought me out, but why wouldn't he contact Dom?"

"Well, we'll just have to ask him when we find him."

Caitlin piped up.

"You're staying out of this."

Hawke narrowed his gaze on her. He intended to protect her. He couldn't loose her again.

"St. John isn't the reason I'm here Hawke."

Michael cut off Caitlin's retort before a full blown argument could ensue.

Hawke snapped his gaze back to the white clad spy.

"Thanks to Caitlin's report, we've managed to track down Vega's supplier in Nicaragua. I want the Airwolf crew to provide support for an inter-agency sting. You'll need to be in the air as soon as possible to meet the time line."

Hawke's face became impassive at the mention of Cait's involvement in the most recent Airwolf mission.

"I'll get back to you Michael." Hawke bit out.

Archangel noted the tangible dismissal. He turned to his assistant and took the cane she handed him.

"I believe we've out stayed our welcome."

Caitlin slipped off her stool and gave Michael a hug as he headed for the door. Hawke bristled.

"Not that I mind, but what was that for?"

Michael adjusted his glasses.

"For the assist in Texas."

She kissed his cheek.

"I never got the chance to thank you."

"If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have needed saving!"

Hawke burst out. He felt his anger rise as he remembered how Archangel had told him of Cait's predicament.

"I'll walk you out."

Caitlin said gently as she shot Hawke a pointed look. She guided Michael out of the cabin.

Hawke tried to get his anger under control. He hadn't forgiven Michael yet. He could tolerate him given Cait's propensity to help out and not be side lined. But, that didn't change the fact that Michael never should have gotten Cait involved without Hawke's specific permission and backup. After all Michael wouldn't even know Cait if it weren't for him saving her in Pope County, Texas way back when.

Caitlin returned shortly. She took in Hawke's demeanor. He was leaning against the bar with white knuckles. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw set. She sighed, exasperated. A few moments went by with them staring each other down before she asked her question evenly.

"Why did you start training me in Airwolf?"

Hawke was taken aback. He hadn't expected the question. It seemed out of left field. She'd never asked before. His anger at Michael was pushed away as he considered his answer.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just answer the question, Hawke."

She let the annoyance she felt seep through her voice and regarded him steadily.

Hawke looked away. He was beginning to feel that this was one of those 'getting along as a couple' moments that Cait had warned him about. He retrieved the previous night's wine glasses from the drain and strolled over to the bar on the other side of the stairs to put them away. It gave him a few moments to think.

Cait watched him with an unwavering gaze. She stepped over to the couch and leaned up against its back. She rested one hand on the frame.

He turned back to face her with the bar between them for added distance and protection. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

"When your plane got high jacked just before your sister's wedding, I..." he paused debating how much to reveal. "If I'd flown you to Texas, or just dropped you off after the atmospheric scans Dom and I were doing, you wouldn't have been in trouble. You would have been safe."

He ran a hand over the side of his head.

"I guess I just realized that things were going to happen to you that I couldn't control. And, maybe if you were more involved with Airwolf you'd be safer."

He stopped and looked at her. She looked back at him expectantly. He sighed before continuing.

"Later it was just better that you knew because Dom and I didn't have to make excuses. And, I figured I could protect you. Besides if something happened to you in Airwolf, I'd be there. You wouldn't have to go through it alone."

He left unsaid the thought that _he_ wouldn't have to go through it alone. She still had that expectant look.

"And, if Airwolf went down then we'd..."

He stopped abruptly. He looked down at the letter she had sent him two months ago. He hadn't moved it from the bar. All the loss he'd felt came crashing down on him again. He suddenly knew just how deeply he'd fallen and couldn't breathe, couldn't look at her. He needed air and bolted for the door.

Caitlin watched him go. She was confused. She'd seen the play of emotions across his usually impassive features. He was just so frustrating and hard to figure out.

She crossed over to the bar and picked up the letter she'd sent. He hadn't even opened it. _Arrgh!_ She knew communication on an intimate level was a problem for them. That was the foremost reason she hadn't jumped on Hawke's marriage proposal. She was just now beginning to see how big of a problem it was.

Caitlin bit her lower lip in thought.

_I guess I should be happy he opened up to me at all._

He'd said he taught her about Airwolf to keep her safe. More importantly, safe with him.

_Okay, I can work with that._

It warmed her heart to know he cared so. But what else had he been about to say before he clammed up?

She prided herself on being able to read his silences. Except that was when she thought he wasn't in love with her.

Hawke's words came back to her all out of order.

'If Airwolf went down, we'd...I'd be there...You wouldn't have to go through it alone..I could protect you...You'd be safer.'

What was he trying to say? Or, more to the point what was he avoiding saying.

'You wouldn't have to go through it alone...I'd be there...If Airwolf went down.'

Caitlin crumpled to the bar stool and rested her head in her hands. She couldn't believe the conclusion she'd just come to. If she was hearing him right, Hawke had just admitted to wanting to die if she did.

No wonder he had bolted from the cabin. It must have been a revelation he could barely comprehend given his track record. It also explained why he had proposed. It must have been the only way he could think of to not only get her back in his life, but to keep her safe from those playing her to get to him.

Caitlin reviewed their past relationship with new understanding. For the first time, she saw clearly his attempts to deal with his feelings. The times he'd pushed her away emotionally while pulling her deeper into his life. He'd been playing tug of war with himself as much as her. He'd even gotten in deep with a couple of women. Those relationships had practically torn her apart. She suddenly realized his relationships would fail about the same time she started dating someone new.

A knot of fear came with her new understanding. She felt an ache in the pit of her stomach. He loved her more than three words could ever convey. She wasn't entirely sure she could handle being loved that much. For the first time since she realized she was in love with Hawke, she was afraid. Afraid of being loved beyond reason, of not loving him as much as that deserved. Afraid of what might happen if she died and Hawke was left to deal with the pieces.

Tet pawed at the door breaking Caitlin out of her daze. She walked over to let the dog out. He bounded straight for Hawke.

Caitlin closed the door and padded over to the hearth. She poked the smoldering ashes into a cheerful blaze adding a log. She took the letter she'd written and tossed it in. It had been written before she knew the depth of Hawke's feelings. What it said, no longer mattered. They had a long road ahead, and she just hoped she was strong enough to make it.

Hawke stood on the pier leaning on the railing. He was looking out on the glassy waters of the lake. He didn't register when Tet sat beside him. He was trying to wrap his head around his feelings. He needed more space than the short walk from the cabin provided. He was torn between leaving her alone and going back to hold her and never letting her go.

_The mission._

The thought provided the answer for his need for space. If they were all on a mission, he could put off dealing with things for a while. And, maybe he'd figure out how to love Cait openly without smothering her. His mind made up he returned to the cabin.


	4. Chapter 4:  Catch 22

Stringfellow Hawke concentrated on flying at mach speed in the technologically advanced and only mach capable helicopter, Airwolf. He was only absently listening to the conversation between Dom and Caitlin. They were discussing the up coming confrontation in Columbia.

At that moment, he only wanted to enjoy flying. He loved the feel of all that power under his control. He knew the first moment he saw the sleek lines of Airwolf that he had to fly her. The first time he'd hit the turbos and surged to mach 1, he knew he had finally found the machine he'd been waiting for since learning to fly.

He had put up with Moffet, Airwolf's twisted creator, for a long time just to have the chance. It had been a catch 22 when Moffet had him dismissed from the test program. He'd no longer have to put up with Moffet, but could no longer fly Airwolf either. When Michael had come to his doorstep asking him to recover the helicopter, he was thrilled. Part of him chose the condition of finding St. John because he knew it would take time. He'd never expected everything that had happened since, least of all Caitlin.

In Cait he had found not only a friend, but a partner. Someone who loved flying as much as he did and understood him like no one else including Dom. Somehow she had slipped through all his defenses, and he had fallen, hard. First without realizing it, then he tried to correct it, and finally he was trying to accept it.

He wanted her to be happy, wanted her in his life, and needed her to be safe. She had left him because she wasn't happy about how he was trying to keep her safe, by denying his feelings for her. He corrected that and she had agreed to move in with him. Yet, here they were heading off into a dangerous situation before she had even unpacked.

Hawke shifted Airwolf through some turbulence and was grateful for the momentary distraction.

He seemed to be in a catch 22 again. He truly hoped Michael was close to finding St. John, but didn't want to give up the thrill of flying Airwolf. And, while flying Airwolf was right up there with sex, he needed to make a change if he was going to keep Caitlin safe. He knew he would never win if he tried to side line her. They'd all been lucky so far, but luck could run out. Their argument at the cabin about her involvement didn't quite escalate into a shouting match, but she hadn't really said much to him since. At the same time, Airwolf had been the reason he'd been able to save Cait on more than one occasion from the trouble that she attracted.

He shook his head. It seemed like when one thing would work out something else went wrong.

"You okay String?" Dom asked from the engineer's console.

"Yeah," was his terse reply.

Dominic Santini had raised Hawke since he was twelve. He knew something was bothering his boy. The kid should be happy, he and Cait had finally hooked up. He looked over at Cait who was going over the weapons inventory for the tenth time. He noticed for the first time since the trip had started that Cait was almost ignoring Hawke. In fact she'd hardly spoken to him.

_Uh oh. One night and their already fighting? Maybe I should have stayed and played referee. Well better nip this in the bud._

"You could have fooled me because it seems to me like you're brooding."

Hawke looked over his shoulder quickly to give Dom a glare.

"Michael, brought a file on St. John."

Hawke didn't want to discuss Cait with Dom definitely not while she was sitting there. The file on St. John seemed to be a good distraction.

"You're just now telling me this."

Dom raised his voice along with his bushy gray eyebrows. Usually String would be very excited about any information on St. John. He wondered at why the pilot hadn't mentioned it earlier.

"What did it say?"

"Ask Cait, I'm flying." Hawke said as if it wasn't obvious what he was doing.

"Cait?"

Caitlin sighed. She figured Hawke had just successfully diverted Dom. She had no doubt part of Hawke's brooding included his brother, but suspected it also had a lot to do with her being there. Considering she really didn't want to have that conversation and his reasons behind it scared her a little too much, she decided to play along. Caitlin explained that St. John had been released at the end of the war. He'd then gone on to be used by various governments for his piloting skills. He technically wasn't MIA and hadn't been for years. He'd been captured by hostiles from time to time and gotten out with the help of the CIA mostly.

"...Then a little over two years ago he went missing again. From what Michael can gather the CIA thinks he was captured in Cambodia."

"So how come he never called String in all that time?"

Dom let a little more anger than necessary color the question.

Caitlin paused before she answered. She had hoped that String might answer. As the silence lingered, she answered.

"The Army told him String died." She said it a little softly thinking about how St. John must have reacted to loosing the only family he had left.

"You remember my last tour, Dom?" Hawke finally spoke up.

"Sure kid, but they got that all straightened out."

Dom preferred not to dwell on the devastation he felt when the Army officers paid him a visit to notify him of String's death. When he had received notice, almost two months later that Sting was on his way home having spent the time in the hospital, he had flown to Hawke's cabin and made sure everything was perfect for his boy's arrival.

"Apparently no one bothered to tell St. John."

Hawke said with all the pent up bitterness of sixteen years.

"Just like they didn't tell me he'd been released. The only thing I can't figure out is why he never contacted you?"

Hawke glanced over his shoulder at his surrogate father, mentor, and friend. His eyes narrowed. The question had been bugging him since he'd discovered the truth of his brother's situation.

Dom squirmed a little uneasily at Hawke's tone and look.

There was silence in the cockpit. The question hanging in the air between them.

Dom could think of a couple of reasons why St. John hadn't called not the least of which was the argument they'd had when St. John joined the Army. St. John had said it gave him a choice over the draft. Dom had wanted him to go to college. He had made a promise that the boys would be educated and intended to keep it. St. John wanted to live his own life and not always be responsible for his kid brother. Dom knew that String would follow his brother's example. In reality, Dom knew what war was really about and didn't want either boy to go through that crucible.

He hadn't helped matters any when he'd written St. John the day String told him he'd joined up. It was String's eighteenth birthday. It also hadn't helped that that accusatory letter had been Dom's last to St. John. He'd just been so angry at the time. It had been the last letter he sent anyway. Dom had written several after explaining, apologizing, forgiving, and asking for forgiveness. He'd never sent them though. They were still tucked away in the drawer to his bedside table. By the time he could or would have sent them String had written about St. John's MIA status.

In those first few years, Dom supported String's quest to find his brother with hope and his own need for a chance at redemption. As time went on with the war's end and no word, he supported String out of his own sense of guilt. He had failed one brother and pushed him away. He wouldn't push the second, no matter what the cost. And, it had cost. More than once as he watched his surrogate son pull away from relationships and potential happiness through the years, Dom had wanted to tell String to give it up and grieve properly for the lost. In fact in the last year alone he'd found the words on the tip of his tongue several times. When things escalated with Caitlin, he thought he'd finally have to tell String what he really thought about his obsession with finding St. John.

Dom cleared his throat and tried for an even tone when he finally responded.

"Well, I guess you'll have to ask him when you find him."

Caitlin was glad they were nearing their destination. It was rare for the two men to be at odds with each other though they often argued for the fun of it. If she could guess that Dom had just avoided answering the question, she knew Hawke had.

A beep from the communications console made her jump in the sudden tension.

Dom connected the video call and the familiar sight of a crisp white three piece suit with matching silk tie filled the monitor. A moment later the camera panned up slightly to reveal the steady one eyed gaze of Michael, Archangel. He looked perturbed and adjusted his wire rim glasses.

"Hawke!" Michael leaned forward on his desk so that his face almost filled the screen. "The CIA is taking point on this operation. It seems the drugs are providing the financing for the arms trade."

"Well that's just great, Michael." Hawke responded sarcastically. "You know how I feel about the CIA."

"I know," he paused momentarily, "but a large portion of those arms are ending up in the Middle East. I can't stress how important it is to shut that down. Libya has nothing on Iran and Iraq. I'm sending you the coordinates of their camp."

Hawke scowled at the monitor. The FIRM was bad enough, but the CIA was known to hang their agents out to dry. Plus with the new information that they had probably done just that to St. John made Hawke want to turn around and go home without helping them.

"And, Hawke."

"Yeah, Michael?" There was a decided edge to the question.

"Try to play nice."

Michael closed the connection before Hawke could respond.

Dom chuckled from his place behind Hawke's shoulder.

"Like that's going to happen."

Hawke shot him a look before the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

"I can play nice."

Both Dom and Cait regarded him with disbelief.

"I can."

"We should find a place to camp for the night before we meet this CIA agent." Caitlin suggested.

"Right." Hawke glanced over at her briefly. "Disengage turbos. Re-engage rotors." He called out.

Dom responded and the next hour was completely professional as they searched for a good camp site.

Airwolf settled easily to the ground. The clearing already had a tent set up to one side and a small but cheerful fire going near the center. The lone agent they were meeting had been sitting on a log placed between tent and fire. When Airwolf landed, he stood in appreciation. He waited patiently while the helicopter's crew shut down her systems.

_Magnificent._

He thought about the last update from headquarters.

_They didn't say it wouldn't look like an attack chopper._

He took a few steps forward as the three person crew exited and stopped abruptly.

_They also didn't say anything about a cute little red head._

"Greg Drayber"

He introduced himself to the group and extended his hand.

His steel gray eyes assessed the group quickly. Hawke, the pilot, was wary and had an edge to him that Greg recognized. He'd worked with the type before. Dangerous and fiercely loyal to his own team, with everyone else only a secondary consideration. Dominic Santini, engineer, not at all what he'd expected. The man was older than all but a few field agents by more than fifteen years. Yet there was a keen intelligence behind the craggy face. His eyes finally settled on the most surprising crew member. The cute little red head. He couldn't help his open appreciation. He had a thing for red heads and one look told him she wasn't the type to disappoint. She was perfect for an agent. Not drop dead movie star gorgeous, but pretty enough to be noticed without being intimidating. She also put forth an air of genuine innocence that was hard to resist even for someone as seasoned in the business as he was. He figured he like to get to know her a little better.

"Stringfellow Hawke."

Hawke bit out as he crossed his arms and narrowed his gaze on Drayber. They were about the same age and build, but Drayber was a couple of inches taller. Something about the man bothered Hawke. He'd noticed how the agent's gaze lingered on Cait and immediately took a defensive stance.

"Dominic Santini."

Dom stepped between Hawke and Cait to shake Drayber's hand quickly to mask Hawke's hostility.

"Caitlin."

She introduced herself continuing the unspoken agreement that precluded her giving a last name.

Drayber lingered a moment longer than necessary over their handshake before getting down to business.

"We have to confirm that the brains of the operation is there before we do anything. I have a rough out line of the their camp. It's about five miles south. We'll need to do a reconnaissance flight to be sure of their defenses before we go in. Our objective is to capture the target for interrogation. We should do the reconnaissance today and go in early tomorrow for the target."

"You guys do the recon. I'll set up camp."

Dom offered. They hadn't found another break in the canopy large enough to set the helicopter down in and had already decided that they'd have to camp with the CIA agent. They'd just be a little more cautious. They all knew that the CIA would love to recover Airwolf for their own designs.

Hawke and Cait headed back toward Airwolf, Drayber a step behind.

"We've got this." Hawke said shortly as he opened the cockpit door.

"I need to see if this bird is capable before I depend on it for my life."

Drayber leveled a steady gaze at Hawke. Silently questioning the capabilities of the pilot more so than the helicopter.

Hawke bristled at the implied deficiency. Despite the warning his gut was giving him not to let this man anywhere near Airwolf, or Caitlin, he acquiesced.

"Don't touch anything."

Drayber's eyes lingered on Caitlin's backside as she climbed in before him to take the engineer's seat. He made his own way in and clipped the harness on tightly.

Hawke looked over at the man's precaution and quirked a smile. He was definitely in for a ride.

They took off fast even for Hawke. Drayber's white knuckled grasp of the seat grew impossibly tighter when Hawke engaged the turbos unnecessarily for the short trip to the camp.

Caitlin cut the comm line momentarily to Drayber's helmet and spoke when only Hawke could here her.

"Was that really necessary?"

Hawke's answer was a power climb.

"Oh, god." The words escaped the agent's lips with awe and wonder.

"We get that a lot." Caitlin smiled through the words.

"This is amazing. How fast are we going?"

Caitlin answered that and a steady stream of other questions posed by the agent as Drayber began subtly probing Cait for more information on Airwolf complementing her on her expertise

Hawke remained silent. He was only partially paying attention to the flight and was grateful that Airwolf had compensators. His concentration was on the interaction between Cait and Drayber. He put aside the twinge of jealously at how easily they seemed to be getting along, at how easily they communicated. He tried to ignore the obvious flirtation and instant connection. The man was acting towards Cait the same way he had when she'd first shown up at the airfield in Van Nuys. It bothered Hawke more than he wanted to admit. It also seemed to him that Cait was responding the same way as she did back then, a little coy, a little flirtatious, and a little interested.

Hawke dragged his attention back to the conversation in the cockpit and heard Drayber asking yet another question that probed Cait's knowledge and personal capabilities regarding Airwolf. He gave the command to disengage the turbos to forestall her reply.

Hawke called for stealth mode. They hovered high above the camp while Caitlin ran scans.

"Are you sure they can't detect us?"

Drayber could see the clearing in the jungle below that indicated the camp, but was so high up he couldn't make out any details.

Caitlin answered. "We're too high to be recognized as a helicopter from the ground. Stealth mode masks us from radar and white noise helps cancel the sound of the rotors. The only way they'd know we were here is if someone else told them. Even then they wouldn't have any evidence."

"Counter measure specialist and engineer? Next, you'll tell me you can fly this thing too."

Drayber let a little bit of awe tint his voice. He intended to get Caitlin on his side. He didn't have much time to achieve his secondary objective and wasn't even sure he'd be able too; but, he had to try.

"Oh sure," Cait said enthusiastically. "All of us can man any station, but Dom prefers the engineer's seat and Hawke was born to fly."

She answered a couple more questions before Hawke cut them off.

"Are the scans complete?" Hawke asked with annoyance.

He recognized the tactic Drayber was using and determined he'd discuss it with Cait, later.

"The last one is finishing now." She waited a moment. "Okay, were all done."

Hawke headed off in the opposite direction of their camp and took them into a power dive. He pulled up mere feet from the canopy and weaved his way around and through the hills.

"Were going the wrong way."

Drayber managed to get out between clenched teeth. He once again was grasping his seat as tightly as possible.

"Just getting to know the terrain."

Hawke answered meaning more than the landscape humor colored his tone.

He took a circuitous route back to camp. It was early evening before they arrived.

Dom had a beef stew ready for them and they all settled down to eat and go over the plan for tomorrow.

Drayber sat on the log next to Cait before Hawke had the chance.

They reworked the plan a few times before everyone was satisfied with the details.

Hawke had become increasingly uncomfortable with the attention Drayber gave Cait. They had seemed to click while discussing the plan each building off the others suggestions and refining the details. He told himself it wasn't jealously that prompted the feeling in his gut that something was off. He knew that he had to work with Drayber for this mission and decking him for being interested in Cait was not conducive to a good working relationship.

After taking care of the debris of their meal, Dom turned in. Caitlin excused herself a short time later for the short walk to the nearby stream to freshen up before turning in. Hawke tried to ignore Drayber's lingering gaze as she disappeared into the forest. When Drayber headed to his tent a little while later, but diverted at the last moment to also enter the woods, Hawke shot to his feet. He had no doubt Drayber was headed for Cait.

Caitlin had just finished brushing her teeth and spat out the water she was rinsing with when she heard a noise behind her.

"I haven't been gone that long have I?" she asked thinking it was Hawke.

"I'm finding the more time I spend with you the more time I want to spend with you."

Cait froze suddenly uneasy at the sound of Drayber's voice. She took a breath before turning to face him.

He must have continued toward her after speaking because he was uncomfortably close. Only a couple of feet separated them.

"I hope I didn't scare you." Drayber picked up on Caitlin's unease.

"No," She denied in a shaky voice.

"You're quite an interesting woman, Caitlin." He gave her an openly admiring gaze. "One I'd like to know better."

Caitlin involuntarily shivered.

"Your cold." Drayber pulled her into an embrace. Before she could protest he kissed her soundly.

Surprised, Cait stood a moment in shock. She caught a movement from the corner of her eye. She turned her head breaking the kiss to see a glimpse through the foliage of Hawke's retreating form.

Caitlin pushed Drayber back.

"Sorry," he quickly apologized. "I must of misunderstood, gotten the wrong impression. I thought we were hitting it off."

He took a couple of steps back and put on his best look of mortification.

"Please forgive me." He pleaded.

"There's nothing to forgive. I shouldn't have given you the wrong impression. I'm already involved with Hawke."

Caitlin said absently her mind already jumping to what she would say to him.

"I could talk to him for you. Tell him it was all my fault. I could even tell him you were completely innocent of the whole thing if you like."

He had apparently misread the relationship between Caitlin and Hawke. He thought they were just crew mates. They had been completely professional with each other in his presence. He suddenly realized that they had been too professional. They hadn't really spoken to each other unless the job required it. They must have been having some kind of spat. This was working out better than he had hoped.

"I am completely innocent. You kissed me not the other way around."

Caitlin was starting to get mad at the way Drayber was implying that she was somehow complicit.

"Yes, yes of course." He quickly agreed. "I was only trying to help."

"I think you've helped enough."

Caitlin said angrily. She gathered her things in a huff and set off to find Hawke. She completely missed the the smile on Drayber face.

She found Hawke further up the stream. His hands in his pockets, he was staring up at the first few stars to brighten the night sky. He tensed when he heard her approach.

"Hawke." She called out.

He didn't move. She wondered if that was a good sign or not. She could see his stiff posture. As she got closer she noted the clenched jaw and the vein that throbbed in his neck. When she placed her hand on his shoulder he shrugged it away.

"I can explain..." Caitlin began softly.

"Explain what?" Hawke snapped out. "How you've been feeding this CIA agent everything he wants to know, or how you've been flirting and fawning all over him? You just met the man! But, I guess that's what you have to expect from someone who travels half way across the country to track down a guy she met in a jail cell."

What Cait had been going to say died on her lips. She stood there stunned at Hawke's accusatory and scornful tone. A moment passed. Her anger at Hawke and Drayber boiled over.

"Well if that's the way you feel, I guess I should have stayed in Texas!"

"Maybe you should have!"

They stood toe to toe both of their faces flushed with anger and hurt.

"Fine." Caitlin said after a few heartbeats. She fought to hold back the tears that were gathering in her eyes.

"Fine." Hawke repeated her word in an amazingly calm voice.

He could see the tears threatening her eyes and felt guilt well up inside at having been the cause of them. He wanted to comfort and yell at her all at the same time. He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, but stopped mid way when he caught himself leaning in. The sight of Drayber kissing her came back to him and he quickly turned away. He took one step and then another back to camp.

Caitlin watched Hawke walk away knowing he was struggling with himself again. She'd seen his hand raise, the compassionate caste of his eyes, the tilt of the head. She knew he had been about to kiss her. Knew also that he couldn't let himself so soon after seeing her kiss Drayber.

_Damn him. Why'd he have to kiss me? And while I'm at it Damn Hawke for acting like a child and not letting me explain._

She bit her lower lip. Her anger won out over the tears as she wiped the moisture away.

_When this mission is over we're going to have a talk, Mr. Stringfellow Hawke. And, even if you decide you can't handle the terms of our relationship, you **will** hear my piece."_

Her mind made up Caitlin headed back to camp.


	5. Chapter 5:  Left Hand Right Hand

Hawke busied himself with double checking everything on Airwolf. He had awoken early and needed to kill the time until he and Drayber began the five mile hike to the drug cartel's processing camp. He was also trying to calm some of his fears. His gut was telling him that something was off. He just couldn't put his finger on it. He tightened bolts and checked circuits. At least Dom and Cait should be safe in Airwolf.

His mind kept wandering to Cait and Drayber. He trusted Caitlin with his life and was trying to trust her with his heart. As his friend, he knew she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. He also knew that she usually gave everyone the opportunity to be trusted even when it wasn't warranted. Her openness and honesty were a big part of the reason he'd grown to care for her more and more since they met.

_So why would she kiss him?...She wouldn't, willingly._

He knew it was true as soon as the thought materialized. And, if she hadn't kissed Drayber then **he** had kissed her. But, to what end, he didn't know.

Hawke was so lost in thought that he didn't hear Dom approach. Only half a lifetime of controlling his actions kept him from jumping when the older man suddenly appeared beside him.

"You want to tell me what you're doing?" Dom asked with quiet amusement.

"Just making sure everything checks out." Hawke responded evenly tightening down a bolt that really didn't need it.

"Is that why you and Cait have barely spoken in the last day? And, why you've barely looked at each other since coming back to camp last night?" Dom knitted his brows as he pinned String with a knowing gaze.

Hawke froze a heartbeat before he began gathering up the tools he'd been using. He quietly stowed them and leaned against the helicopter before meeting Dom's paternal stare.

"You've been getting awful nosy lately." Hawke said only half serious. He guessed he'd been lucky Dom hadn't confronted him yesterday considering how fatherly he'd taken Cait's side in their relationship. Deep down he knew that Dom wanted them both to be happy though.

"I just don't want a repeat of the last three months. And, I've already told you not to play around with her." Dom admonished him lightly. He didn't want to push String, but there was no way he'd sit on the wayside and not kick him in the butt this time around.

"We disagreed." He said succinctly. "I have concerns about Drayber. She doesn't." He wasn't ready to share the argument about his almost irrational need to keep her safe and focused instead on the argument he was beginning to realize he'd already lost. Not because he was wrong, but because he'd let his personal insecurities get the better of him.

"What else?" Dom said vexed.

"I may have...that is I sort of...I accused her of fawning over Drayber."

Dom's expression changed.

"I'm not jealous." Hawke quickly denied. "Look regardless I'd bet my life he has a hidden agenda. That whole reconnaissance flight he pumped Cait for info on Airwolf. All I'm saying is keep you eyes open."

Dom shook his head. The kid may be jealous, but he wasn't the only one who'd noticed the CIA agent's interest in the young red headed member of their team.

"Yeah, okay." Dom agreed. "But, you'd better get things straight with Cait. And, don't wait three months to do it either."

Dom gave him one more stern look before returning to the fire and beginning breakfast.

Hawke and Drayber set off through the jungle for the five mile hike to the compound. They had to confirm their target was present before calling in Airwolf. Hawke didn't have to wait long before Drayber began to ask questions about Airwolf and her crew. When Hawke was less than forthcoming, Drayber switched tactics.

"That Caitlin is quite a woman. Not what you'd expect. When you think you've got her figured out, she surprises you. She really is something..."

Hawke simmered over the man's words. He couldn't disagree though. He thought pretty much the same thing.

"...I'm glad you guys aren't together. Though I don't know how you can resist her. It a least gives me an opening after this mission is over."

"What gives you that impression?" Hawke strained to keep his voice even. He concentrated on the hike to keep from punching the guy. He contented himself instead with letting the foliage snap behind him into an unsuspecting Drayber on occasion.

The agent fumed. It was going to be harder than he thought to drive a wedge into their crew. He had thought he could build on the obvious spat between Hawke and Cait. He was sure Hawke had seen the kiss. Everything seemed to be going according to plan until Hawke's morning chat with Santini. He turned that thought over for a moment. Santini was the glue that held the team together. He was sure of it. He filed that away for later use.

Drayber continued on his campaign to separate Hawke and Cait. He made it clear that women generally found him attractive with his 6'1" height, muscular frame, and gray eyes. He was considered the epitome of tall, dark, and hansom. He also relayed that Cait for her part had been responsive. Reminding Hawke of the smiles and encouraging comments she'd made and of how they'd sat next to each other at dinner the night before.

Failing to get much reaction from Hawke other than a slight increase in their already demanding pace, Drayber pulled out his ace in the hole.

"I have to say after the kiss we shared last night, I'm definitely going to enjoy getting to know her better. She's a great kisser."

Unbidden the image of that kiss played across Hawke's mind. Cait had shivered and Drayber pulled her to him kissing her. He'd turned almost instantly not wanting to see it. For the first time he examined the image. Drayber's arms were around Cait, but her own had crossed to protect herself from the shiver. A look of shock had been on her face.

Hawke smiled slowly to himself. The tension that had been in his frame suddenly relaxed. He was now certain he knew Drayber's hidden agenda. He also knew the man had miscalculated. Even if he and Cait had still just been friends, the result of Drayber's failure to seduce Cait would have only brought the Airwolf crew closer together.

Drayber noticed the man in front of him visibly relax. He wondered at the change. Apparently Caitlin wasn't the only one who acted unpredictably. His efforts rebuffed by both Hawke and Caitlin, he again came to the conclusion that Santini was the key. Eliminate him and Hawke and Caitlin would soon go their separate ways.

They radioed Airwolf when they reached the compound.

Totally focused on the mission at hand the men made the dash from the cover of the jungle across the clearing to take cover behind several 50 gallon drums. Four men exited out of a small building thirty feet away. Three wore cam-mo and were obviously indigenous to the region. The fourth man sported a crisp military hair cut and wore Army fatigues. He carried himself in a way that he was either active military or couldn't have been out for long. Hawke wondered at his presence.

"Left hand right hand." Drayber muttered.

"Who is he?" Hawke indicated the Army man.

"Who is who? You didn't see anyone."

Another man approached the group. His appearance incongruent with his surroundings. He looked more like a southern plantation owner with his panama hat white shirt and khaki pants.

"That are target." Drayber indicated the newcomer.

Introductions occurred and the men reentered the building.

Five minutes later and Hawke was getting antsy. They had cover but the longer they remained inside the camp the more likely they were to be discovered. Drayber seemed to come to the same conclusion.

"We need to get back to the cover of the jungle. I'll go first and signal when the coast is clear." He took off across the clearing before Hawke could argue.

Drayber made it back safely, took up position, and signaled Hawke. Hawke had only taken a few steps when the previous group exited the building once more. They spotted him and a patrol quickly surrounded him.

Hawke's head jerked back at the meaty fist impacted his jaw once more. He slumped in the wooden chair. His left eye was swollen and blood trickled down his left cheek. His ribs were sore and his wrists chafed against the ropes holding him to the chair.

"¿Donde trabajas?"

The muscle in front of him prepared to strike him again. Hawke caught a movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Why don't you ask your military adviser?"

Hawke answered. He turned his head away from his attacker to get a better look. He could barely make out the stitched name on the jacket the man wore. O. North. It had to be some sort of code name. There weren't that many first names that began with O. Oscar, Owen, Oliver. The meaty fist descended again and Hawke was sent into oblivion.

Hawke blinked the bleariness from his eyes. He was lying on the floor in the same room as before. The chair had been removed but his hands were still tied behind his back. He groaned involuntarily as he maneuvered into a sitting position.

He took stock of his condition. His head pounded. Probably a concussion. He hurt all over but especially around his left ribs. They were bruised but he didn't think broken. He blinked again and was thankful he could see clearly out of both eyes.

The room itself left him with no obvious means of escape. He inched his way up the wall so he could stand. He walked cautiously over to the one window in the room and was satisfied that he was steady enough on his feet to run if given the opportunity. The sun was going down.

By now Dom and Cait would know things hadn't gone to plan even if Drayber had informed them. He scowled at the thought of the CIA agent. While it was true the men had come out of their meeting at the wrong time, he had been surrounded extremely quickly. Drayber should have seen the patrol's approach and had Hawke sit tight a little longer. Unless, the other man had wanted him to get captured.

_What tactical advantage did that give him?_

None as far as the primary mission was concerned. It must play into the agent's secondary agenda.

A sound at the door tugged Hawke's attention from the growing shadows out side. He thought he heard a whisper. He crossed the room and heard the sound again. It was his name.

"I'm here." He answered Drayber.

A few shuffling sounds later and the lock clicked. The door opened revealing Drayber. He quickly entered and produced a knife with which to cut the ropes from Hawke's wrists. He handed him a gun.

"Sorry it took me so long to rescue you." He smiled briefly. "I've located the target. We should be able to grab him while your friends provide a distraction."

"Right."

They made their way from that building darting from shadow to shadow to a building near the center of the compound. Hawke tilted his head.

"Your distraction is here."

Drayber shot him a funny look. He was about to ask if Hawke had taken one blow too many when he heard the howl of Airwolf's engines and saw the pale underbelly going over them. They moved in unison to either side of the door. Several men poured out to hurry to their respective defensive positions as explosions and gunfire began to erupt around them. Finally the target man came out and froze as Hawke put a gun to his head.

Airwolf descended in a cloud of smoke and confusion amidst a hail of gunfire. The three men raced toward her. Hawke caught a movement off to the side. He pushed his captive hard, but was too late. The man fell dead at his feet. Drayber caught his arm and pulled him toward the helicopter. Hawke glanced back to see North take aim again. He felt the shot slam through his shoulder just as he reached the open cockpit. He ignored the pain and blood that began seeping through his flight suit. He took the aircraft up swiftly while Cait grabbed the med kit from Dom. She quickly taped a compress to the bullet wound.

"They've got two helos up String." Dom called from the engineer's console. "They're AH1 Super Cobras. Standard 20mm cannons, rockets and missiles. They got a heat seeker off."

"Sunburst deployed." Caitlin informed from her place in the counter measures specialist seat. The impact was close and the whole frame shuddered.

Hawke dove between the helos he faced and engaged the turbos so the wash would off balance the other pilots.

"They're recovering quickly, String." Dom's voice was steady.

"Sidewinder." Hawke called.

"Sidewinder."

Hawke pressed the button to fire the missile. The resulting explosion moments later brightened the sky considerably with burning chunks of debris igniting the forest below. Bullets strafing across Airwolf's nose focused her crew on the second chopper.

"They've got another missile off."

"Sunburst."

"It didn't take the sunburst."

Hawke headed straight for the nearest rise the missile closing fast. He fired a missile of his own into the ridge before pulling back hard to crest the ridge. The enemy missile impacted closely and the combined force buffeted Airwolf about.

"That was close." Dom said a little shakily.

They swung around and Hawke lowered his visor to activate the targeting systems. A moment later the remaining AH1 was consumed in a fireball.

Drayber let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and was grateful for the restraints on the jump seat. His estimation of Hawke as a pilot had just gone up.

"Cait." Hawke's pained tone had everyone looking at him.

Cait took one look at the blood strained compress she'd applied earlier and firmly took over the controls.

"Find the nearest hospital Dom. He's hurt bad." She ordered tersely. She stole one more concerned gaze noting that Hawke had drifted into unconsciousness before concentrating solely on the flight.


	6. Chapter 6:  Destinations

...FIRM Hospital, BELIZE...

Airwolf shuttered as she set down on the roof of the FIRM operated hospital. Caitlin jumped from the cockpit with every intention of following the stretcher that Hawke was being loaded onto. She could tell he'd lost a lot of blood and was worried at how ashen his skin was despite the tan. She felt queasy.

An arm around her shoulder drawing her into a hug halted her progress. She was grateful for the support as her knees began to buckle despite who the arm belonged to.

Greg Drayber held her, muttering reassurances in her ear.

"He's a fighter. He'll be okay. I'll be here to see you through. Don't worry. You don't have to be alone. I will support you. We're in this together."

She slowly regained her strength at his meaningless platitudes. She neither wanted nor needed his support. Hawke was all that mattered to her. She shrugged him away when she regained her composure.

More strength suffused her at the sight of the tall dark skinned woman heading toward her.

"Oh Marella. I don't know how or why, but I'm glad you're here." Caitlin hugged her friend to her.

"Michael made sure I was 'in the neighborhood' or at least at the nearest FIRM hospital in case anything went south."

Caitlin nodded glad for the support. She knew that Marella would take care of Hawke and give her the straight story on his condition.

Caitlin seemed consumed with worry. Marella looked over her shoulder to spy Dominic Santini sticking his head out from Airwolf's cockpit. A silent look of understanding passed between the two of them.

Michael had given Marella ten bucks when he'd returned to the office the day before. She'd won the bet on rather or not Hawke had come to his senses about Caitlin. Her friend's or Hawke's distress was not unexpected if something did indeed go south and she'd convinced Michael that she needed to be in the area, ostensibly to look after the FIRM's interests regarding the joint operation.

Marella also needed to deal with the CIA agent that upon exiting Airwolf had taken a decidedly protective stance toward Cait. She'd noticed how the petite woman had almost collapsed. She'd noticed too how Caitlin distanced herself as soon as possible. Marella understood the look in the agent's eye and figured the distance needed to be widened.

"How's Airwolf?" She asked Dom hoping he would read more into her words and not concentrate on Hawke.

Dom began to answer but reassessed before saying anything.

"She doesn't look so good." Dom said from the cockpit meaning both Cait and the helicopter. "Her turbos got fowled with that last explosion and the electronics keep crashing. It's going to be a trip to get her back for repairs."

Marella nodded thankful Dominic had caught on to the need for a diversion. She took Cait by the shoulders. She pinned her with a frank stare to break through the haze of worry and concern.

"You and Dom have to get Airwolf out of here." She shook Caitlin slightly. "I'll keep you apprised of his situation. Do what you have to to get that bird home."

Caitlin knew she had a dual responsibility. Her need to be with Hawke warred only briefly with her duty to him. He'd want her to get Airwolf to safety if he survived. If he didn't, well, there really wasn't much she'd be able to do about it. She squared her shoulders and turned resolutely to the helicopter.

"Take care of him." She said over her shoulder as she walked to the pilot's door. She completely ignored Agent Drayber.

Marella interrupted said agent before he could take the step he was aiming in Caitlin's direction.

"Agent Drayber." She said authoritatively. "We have to get you to debrief immediately." She deftly clutched his elbow and began guiding him to the roof access doors.

...Valley of the Gods, American Southwest...

"Get some rest Honey." Dom put a comforting hand to Cait's shoulder. "I'll take a look at the turbos."

Cait nodded her acquiescence and leaned back in the pilot's seat. She and Dom were taking Airwolf back to the lair in short hops. The aerial battle the night before had battered the aircraft. She needed extensive repairs. The turbos would only engage for a short time before sputtering out meaning the trip had already taken longer than anyone wanted.

Caitlin rubbed at the throbbing in her temple. She was exhausted. They'd pushed themselves and Airwolf. Neither had any real sleep since the morning before when Hawke and Drayber had set off into the jungle together.

_One more hop, _she told herself, _then Airwolf will be tucked safely back in the lair._

She longed for her bed. Craved eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. She knew she wouldn't get the opportunity. As soon as they made it back, she had a plane to catch. She had to get back to Belize and the FIRM hospital where they'd left Hawke.

She hated leaving him there, but knew she had no choice. Airwolf was in such bad condition, she'd needed both engineer and pilot to stay in the air. System after system would shut down only to spring back to life minutes later. Twice all the electronics had gone dead and it had been a struggle in auto gyration to get them landed safely. She thanked God that Dom had been at the controls the first time and had calmly talked her through it the second.

It didn't help that she was worried about Hawke. He died on the operating table when the surgeons were removing the bullet from his shoulder. They'd brought him back but a secondary infection seemed to have set in.

_At least Marella is with him._

It offered her little comfort. She hated that they'd argued. Thinking back she could see why Hawke had reacted the way he had. She had to admit that she'd enjoyed Greg's attention. The ease of communication between them and his open attraction was refreshing, uncomplicated. Only it was complicated. If she hadn't already been involved with Hawke things would have been different.

The revelation of the intensity and depth of Hawke's affections had scared her. She'd retreated from him and used the argument over her involvement with Airwolf to do it. She'd not only accepted but on some level encouraged Greg's attention. She shook her head. It was hard not to fall back on old habits. She'd let someone else get close to try to get Hawke to see reason. If he came out all right, no, when he came out of this all right, she was determined not to do that again.

Hawke had asked her to marry him. He loved her even when he was trying to protect her. She loved him too. Even loved that he needed to protect her even if she didn't agree with his methods. She'd rejected his proposal, twice. All though in her defense any proposal made in bed deserved to be shot down, still, that was no excuse for the first time.

_Why can't I just accept it instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop?_

_Because he's always pushed you away before._

'Just enjoy each other. No pressure.'

Se felt like a hypocrite as her words came back to her. She let out a dejected sigh just as Dom climbed back into the cockpit.

Dom patted her shoulder.

"He'll be okay Honey. My boy's come back from a lot worse. And, that was when he had a lot less to come back to."

Caitlin couldn't hold back the sob that escaped her lips.

Dom sat beside her and pulled her into a sideways hug.

"I just screwed it all up." The tears started to flow liberally. She clung to Dom's arm. "He saw Greg kiss me."

Dom lifted his eyes heavenward and mouthed a silent prayer. He was suddenly very glad the Lady was having mechanical problems since it meant Greg Drayber couldn't get his hands on his girl. Hopefully Marella would have him someplace far away by the time Cait got back to String.

"Ah, he knows you love him, Honey. Besides I **know** he loves you"

He wondered briefly if he should tell her about the ring. _No_, he thought, _there are some things a man just has to do for himself._

"I turned him down." Caitlin said as she wiped tears from her eyes.

"Of course you did, Honey, you love String."

"No," she managed between sobs. "I turned down Hawke. Oh Dom, he asked me to marry him and I said no." Fresh tears flowed from her eyes.

Dom patted her arm reassuringly. He silently wondered at kids these days. Things seemed so much simpler when he was young. Two people as much in love as String and Cait would have been married within six months of meeting. They'd of already had one kid with another on the way. He pushed the thought of grandchildren away.

"Don't worry. You kids will be okay." He assured himself as well as her. They just needed time together. Fortunately, with the crippled condition Airwolf was in the repair time alone would mean plenty of down time. And who knew how long it would take String to recover.

"Come on. Lets get the Lady home."

...FIRM Hospital, BELIZE...

Hawke had the distinct impression he was floating. It was a little strange, but not unpleasant. He knew what flying felt like. Knew too what free fall from 20,000 feet felt like. This was different though. There was no real sensation of outside feeling. A slight but steady fuzzy clicking sound intruded on the floating. As the sound increased and became sharper, he felt a pulling toward it. He slowly felt pain creeping over him and wished for the floating feeling to return. Everything hurt and he felt lethargic. An antiseptic smell assaulted his nostrils. Light began to seep into his eyelids. He blinked. He blinked again trying to get accustomed to the harsh florescence. He swallowed and discovered his throat was sore. He tried to move and found it difficult as he slowly turned his head toward the slow but steady clicking. He focused on the I-V drip monitor.

_Hospital._

With that knowledge his memories came crashing back, the gunshot, the interrogation after his convenient capture, Drayber, his fight with Caitlin.

_Cait._

He closed his eyes and groaned from the pain and stiffness throughout his body. A hand clutched his and instinct told him someone leaned over him. He opened his eyes again. This time he saw Caitlin's worried eyes peering back at him. Her eyes were more blue than green at the moment with the tear that was slowly spilling onto her cheek. He winced as he swallowed.

"You want some water?" She said softly.

He nodded not trusting his voice just yet. He watched as she filled a plastic cup with water from the pitcher she retrieved from the roll away patient table nearby. She was there, with him. It made him inanely happy.

Caitlin tipped the cup to his lips and let the cool liquid soothe his scratchy throat.

"Slowly. Small sips."

Shortly she set the cup back on the table. Caitlin picked his hand up again.

Hawke felt the trimmer in her grip. He gave her a quick once over. Her eyes were shadowed; her skin pale. She looked rough, like she hadn't been sleeping. He was torn between delight that she cared so and concern.

"Cait." His voice was raw and raspy.

"Shh." She placed a finger to his lips which he kissed. It brought the hoped for smile to her face. "Don't talk. Just rest."

She wanted to tell him she was sorry. Needed for him to know that he was the only one that mattered to her. Her heart belonged to him. The clear effort it took for him to say her name made her realize that everything she wanted to tell him would have to wait. He was too weak to listen to any of it right now.

"Love you." He had to tell her. Wanted to tell her so much more. Mostly he wanted her to know how sorry he was for over reacting. He knew it wasn't the first time someone had gotten close to her to get close to him. He suspected Drayber really did have a thing for red heads. He just wanted her to know he considered her **his** red head. Her lips lightly brushed his cheek and he caught the scent of her hair fleetingly.

"I love you too."

Hawke managed a smile as he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7:  Adjustments

~~~~~~Steps~~~~~

Hawke rolled over and came instantly to wake. Pain shot through his shoulder. "Aah!" He let out a cry and tried to stifle it immediately. The footsteps from the bathroom alerted him to the fact that he hadn't been quick enough.

Cait padded quickly to the bed and sat beside Hawke. She gently but firmly pushed him back to the cushion.

"Your supposed to be resting." She admonished.

"I've **been** resting, Cait." Hawke looked up at her frustrated. "I'm tired of resting. You haven't let me get out of bed except for a trip to the bathroom for the last two days."

"The doctors only let you out of the hospital so soon on condition that you rest. They don't want a relapse from the infection." She stopped short of wagging her finger in front of him but was sorely tempted. "I'm going down to start breakfast. You stay put." She jabbed her finger into his chest before heading down stairs.

Hawke grumbled to himself. She was treating him just like his mom did when he'd fallen out of a tree and broken his arm at seven. What his mom and Caitlin had failed to realize though was just how determined and stubborn he was. He gritted his teeth and used his good side to push him self up into a sitting position.

_Step one accomplished. Now for step two._

Hawke swung his legs over the side of the bed and braced himself to stand. He was glad Caitlin wasn't there to see his first attempt. The infection had left him weak and he sat back on the bed before he got completely up. He took a few fortifying breaths. His second attempt was more successful and he grasped the headboard on the bed to steady himself.

_One step at a time now._

He made his way over to the stairs and leaned heavily on the railing. He was already half way down before he let out an involuntary grunt. Cait turned in an instant.

"What do you think you're doing?" She ran to his side and supported him down the rest of the stairs and over to the couch. He collapsed heavily onto it and panted a little from his recent efforts. "I thought I told you to stay put." She would have said more but smoke started coming from the stove. The abandoned breakfast was starting to burn. She ran to remove the food from the fire.

Hawke was thankful for the diversion. It gave him a few minutes to think.

_Okay, maybe coming down stairs wasn't the brightest move._

He didn't think he be able to make it back up without a lot of help. And, from the look on Cait's face she was primed to chew him out. Oh well, at least he could maybe make it to the porch at some point now.

Caitlin practically dropped the breakfast tray in Hawke lap. She went back for the glass of juice that she'd insisted he drink every morning. He looked unenthusiastically at the slightly burnt toast. Cait handed him a glass of juice.

"Drink you juice." She started back to the kitchen to try and clean some of the splatter grease that had caused most of the smoke.

"Can't I have some coffee?" He asked plaintively.

Cait looked at him hard. He had been acting like a baby since she and Dom had gotten him back to the cabin. He was so weak he needed help to get to the bathroom from the bed, but insisted on doing it himself until he almost collapsed against her. He snapped at her more than once when she was only trying to help. Alternatively, he'd ask her to get something or do something for him usually when she was involved with doing something other than looking after him. She bit back the angry retort she wanted to give. A wicked gleam came in to her eye.

"I'll make you a deal, Hawke. You can have coffee when you can get up and make it yourself."

Hawke shot her a look over his shoulder and grumbled to himself. "Juice it is, for now."

~~~~~~~My Piece ~~~~~~

"If I want to take a walk, I'll take a walk." Hawke said forcibly as he winced at the antiseptic Cait poured on his scratched up hand.

"Hawke, if Tet hadn't of barked you'd still be lying on the ground at the back steps." She put a bandage around his hand. He was the most stubborn man she'd ever known except maybe her own father. "You've only been up on your feet solid for a day. Don't you think you're pushing it? And, why didn't you just yell?"

Hawke looked accusingly over at the hearth where his blue tick hound, Tet was curled up contentedly. "I just needed a few more minutes and I'd of made it up the steps. Besides I'd already made it back from the shed." Hawke jerked his hand out of Cait's grasp. He added venomously. "I don't need you mothering me." He stood up from the table and headed for the stairs.

"Stop right there Stingfellow Hawke."

He did as he was told at the sharpness of her voice. Slowly he turned around to face a furious Caitlin O'Shannessey. She stood with her hands on her hips. The argument had been building ever since he'd made his way down stairs the other day. He guessed she'd finally reached her breaking point. He knew he tried her patience, but just couldn't stand the restrictions to his activity. He was used to fending for himself and found that if he pushed himself in small ways he usually recovered faster than most people expected.

"You are by far the most _stubborn_ man I know. If you don't want my help then fine, I'll just let you be, but" she pointed her finger at him and waved it from side to side. Her voice fell deeper into her Texas accent as she continued. "Don't you even **think** about asking for **anything** until you apologize. You think you're so invincible, but you've come close to dying on more than one occasion and can't seem to spare a moment's thought for those who love you." Caitlin took a breath. "And while I'm at it, may I remind you that you're not the only one who is capable of independent thought. If I want to be in Airwolf to save your _sorry butt_, then I'll be there regardless of your misguided attempts to _protect _me," she rolled her eyes, "as if I need _that_ kind of protection. If I didn't love you so much, I'd of walked out long before this. Sometimes I wonder if you love me at all." With that she turned on her heel and stormed out the front door. It banged thunderously closed behind her.

Hawke let out the long breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He guessed he deserved that. He hadn't been showing his appreciation for all she'd done for him. It was just so frustrating. He wasn't used to someone else helping or getting in the way of what he wanted to do. He really wasn't used to someone else sharing his living space, staying over a night or two yes, but not actually living with him.

Hawke turned back to the stairs and started up.

He wasn't quite sure what to do about Caitlin. He loved her and wanted her to be with him, but it was an adjustment to have her with him 24/7. He needed a way to keep her safe too despite the fact that she didn't seem to want to let him. He took his time getting cleaned up after his little spill more out of breath than he liked. Clean pants and shirt later he headed back downstairs. Cait still hadn't come back.

_She must really be mad._

He poked at the fire and looked down at Tet who let out a whine.

"I know." He said. He knew she would forgive him, but he'd probably be in the dog house for a while. He smirked down at Tet. Considering his dog acted like he owned Hawke's house that might not be so bad.

"I'll make it up to her. I promise." Tet looked at him meaningfully for a moment before settling back down for a nap.

An idea came to him and he smiled broadly. Hawke crossed over to the cabinet where he kept the short wave and called up Dom. Caitlin couldn't stay mad at him if Dom where there.

"Dom? Hey Dom are you there?" He waited a moment and tried again. "Dom if you're there pick up."

"Keep your shirt on I'm here." Dom's voice came over the speaker. He seemed a little annoyed.

"I'm not interrupting anything important am I?" Hawke asked sarcastically.

"I'm not interrupting anything important." Dom repeated back to him in a high voice. He continued more gruffly. "I'm two pilots down and Everett's on vacation still. I do run my own business you know." He referred to Hawke and Caitlin as well as his part time mechanic.

"Hey, I was just trying to see if you wanted to come up for dinner, but if you've got more important things to do…"

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Dom's manner improved immediately. "You know I always like to eat."

"Yeah, like a horse." Hawke muttered.

"Can you bring some stakes? I'm out."

"Hey what am I walking into there? You make Cait mad or something?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Please." Dom rolled his eyes. "The only time you ever _request _steaks is when you're trying to cheer up Cait or need I remind you of Ken Sawyer and that Robert guy."

"Listen, can you just do it?" Hawke really didn't want to get into his argument with Cait just then.

"Oh right, I'll be there in a couple of hours. Santini out."

_Step one, complete. Now for step two._

~~~~~See the blind~~~~~

Caitlin had been so angry when she'd stormed out of the cabin earlier that she found herself half way to the clearing where the wildlife blind was located before she knew where she was headed.

_As good as a place as any,_ she thought to herself.

She deliberately slowed her pace and pushed her anger away for the rest of the walk. She let the beauty of the mountain trail calm her. She needed to get some perspective. She hadn't really meant what she'd said to Hawke. She knew she'd never just leave him be while he still needed her. But, he didn't have to be so taciturn. Then again it was Hawke.

Caitlin reached the blind and decided to stay a while. She thought back to the first time Hawke had brought her there. Hawke had invited her and Dom for the weekend not long after her she'd missed her sister's wedding. But Dom backed out at the last minute, literally. They were all set to go when the phone rang. Dom answered it and begged off the weekend to see an old WWII buddy.

Hawke had brought her out to the blind the next day.

"_Oh Hawke, it's beautiful out here." Caitlin said with a little awe._

"_I've always thought so." Hawke smile over at her. "But it gets better if you can just be still for a while. There's a lot of nature around here and they like this place too."_

"_Oh you mean like deer and such. We do have nature in Texas you know."_

_Hawke stood behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Sit." He pushed her to the bench. She began to turn toward him when he sat next to her._

_She fidgeted with her hands._

"_So when do these animals show up."_

"_It takes a little while for them to forget we're here. Just be patient."_

_They sat in silence for all of two minutes._

"_You know I sure appreciate you showing me this place. It really is pretty."_

"_No problem."_

"_Peaceful too."_

"_Yeah, I come here to think sometimes."_

_Caitlin looked out at the meadow and the forest beyond. Hawke leaned against the wall and closed his eyes._

"_So what kind of animals do you usually see." Caitlin asked wondering if she might get to see a bear._

"_None if you keep talking." He looked over at her and wondered if he should keep her away from coffee at breakfast._

"_I'm sorry Hawke. I my just a little wound up that's all."_

_He moved closer to straddle the bench they were on. He gently pulled her back to lean on him._

"_Here. Close your eyes."_

"_But if I close my eyes how will I see anything?" She leaned against him._

"_Trust me." He said._

_His warm breath tickled her ear. His arm wrapped over her chest forcing her to be still against him._

"_Now take a deep breathe." He instructed._

_She complied and felt herself slowly relaxing into him. He let his arm drop to his side. The quiet surrounded them. She could feel his chest rise and fall with his breathe. Shortly, she started to hear birdsong. Some time passed as she began to hear other less noticeable things, muted scratchings and rustlings._

"_Now," he whispered his lips close to her ear. "Open you eyes."_

_Caitlin did so reluctantly at first. She'd been a little caught up in her proximity to Hawke. What she saw made her hold her breathe. The scratching and rustling turned out to be two bears at the edge of the meadow. One was a small cub. The other obviously its mother._

"_Oh," She said and put her hand on Hawke's knee. The momma bear looked up at her single word and ushered her baby back into the forest. Hawke rose off the bench._

"_Now that you know how its done, I'll leave you to it." He said abruptly and left._

That was the beginning of what Cait liked to call their anyone but each other stage. She'd date and so would he as long as neither of them looked too longingly at each other. She guessed that had to have been the first moment when either of them had thought seriously that there might be more than a good friendship between them. Each of them for there own reasons had worked hard to preserve the friends only barrier. That is until Cait thought that she'd killed Hawke at Horn's compound.

Caitlin sighed. They'd come so far since then. She figured they still had a little farther to go.

~~~~~Compromising~~~~~

Caitlin finished washing the dishes from dinner and the dish towel over the side of the sink. After her return to the cabin, she'd been surprised not only to find Dom there but to have steaks grilling for dinner. As apologies went her favorite dinner was a start, but she didn't intend on letting Hawke off that easy. She knew he'd invited Dom as a buffer. Now that that buffer was gone and she'd used up her excuse of cleaning up after, she guessed she'd have to try to talk to him again. She left the kitchen and joined Hawke on the couch.

He slipped his arm around her shoulders and nudged her into him as soon as she sat down. She leaned against him.

"Don't think you're getting off that easy." She told him as he settled her next to him.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He kissed her head. "Cait I am sorry."

He waited until she twined her fingers with his to continue.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me. It's just..." He floundered a moment and grasped her hand a little tighter. "I'm not used to this. To having someone take care of me like this. I'm not used to having to think about how what I do affects you at least not openly, anyway. I just need some time to adjust."

Caitlin looked up into his eyes and saw the conflicting feelings.

"I know Hawke." She kissed him lightly. "Now that we're together its hard for me to just sit back and let you hurt, in any way, and not try to help. It feels like you're keeping me out, pushing me away all over again."

He hugged her to him.

"Let's make a deal. I'll let you in if you give me space and time."

"Okay, but I want a deal of my own." She waited for his full attention. "You can't wall off part of you life to protect me. If we're going to be together, we have to be together 100%."

He dropped his gaze a moment. "Look Cait I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. We've been lucky in the past. You're too big of a target. If anyone knew how I felt about you, they could..." His throat closed on the rest of the words.

Caitlin saw the fear in his eyes. Her heart went out to him.

"Okay how about a compromise? I'll find a way to be less of a target, but on _my_ terms. And, even you've got to admit that I'm generally safer with you in Airwolf than out."

One side of Hawke lips quirked up in a grin. He could work with a compromise. Maybe he could compromise her right into a very safe place.

"Agreed. Want to sill it with a kiss?"

A twinkle lit up Caitlin's eyes. "I can think of something else I'd like to sill it with." She rose slowly from the couch and drew him up with her. She rubbed her body against his a moment and stepped towards the stairs still holding his hand.

"I like your way of thinking." Hawke said as he followed her. He liked that thinking very much.


End file.
